You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
