i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
