The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
