I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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