We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
