listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
