If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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