it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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