if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
