am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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