i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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