Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
