I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i love accidental penises.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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