he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
