I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
