I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
