at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
