he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
