i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
