I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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