Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
