fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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