I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
