I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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