hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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