i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
