haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
