So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
