my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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