And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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