saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I want her autograph on my taint
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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