Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
