Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
