my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
