just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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