i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
