His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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