if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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