My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
