last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
