he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dignity is for republicans.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
