i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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