Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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