sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
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Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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