You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
