Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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