matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I love having hate sex.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
