Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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