My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
