you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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