hotel room ftw
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
