It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
