what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
