Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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