So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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