those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
