If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
