At least make sure they are 18
Why
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
