this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
