Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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