I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
ok first of all what the fuck
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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