The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
