So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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