Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
