If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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