So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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