I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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