Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
