I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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