Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
