Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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