If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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