dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
