Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
should my penis look like a turkey
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
