I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
